Tips for new parents! Keeping your relationship alive.

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Having a new baby can really take a toll on your relationship. No sleep, a screaming baby and a recovering mum, it can be extremely difficult. I have always wondered what people did to make sure they kept their spark there.

So i reached out to some parent bloggers who gave me their tips and hints on how to keep your relation alive. I will be leaving their links as well so make sure you go check them out!

First comment is from Zoe, at www.mummyandlissblog.com who has also made a very good post about this issue. You can read it here.

She says! “Talk to each other!”

Vikki from Family With Ellie suggested

To accept help where you can ( from people you trust, of course) to give you time as a couple. Don’t feel you need to dress up and go out during these times ( unless you have the energy and want to!) just cooking a nice meal together, cuddling on the sofa and watching a nice film. Quality time is a tonic. Be aware of each other’s feelings and try to boost each other through the tough / tired days.

Hannah from The Amphletts says

Remember the tough times aren’t forever, having a new baby is a huge adjustment, combined with a lack of sleep the angry words, bickering & resentment are just symptoms until you get a better grasp of parenting! Remember why you decided to start a family, try & catch a few moments together when you can & the little things like a cup of coffee in bed or remembering to ask how their day was goes a long way!

Beth from Twinderelmo makes a very good suggestion!

Spend time NOT talking about the kids!
We also like to find a good box set we love and try to binge on it together when the kids are in bed/napping. It’s nice to have something to look forward to in the evenings – half hour episode ones are the best as baby will probably let you manage one!

Trying to find the time for your partner is going to be very hard for a few weeks, or even months. You now have a small human being who will need you with them 24/7. It can be hard to find the time to even have an adult conversation other than “I think we have seen this peppa pig episode 12 times today” and even when you DO have the time, your too exhausted.

Always try to fit in time with your loved one, its important and can save your relationship. Talk, Listen and Love.

Thanks for reading x

Mwah, Becca x

Birth and Labour Stories.

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This week, our birth and labour story is from Natalie! you can find her HERE.

Here is her amazing story.

How it all began….

Our story starts 13 years ago.

After suffering from a miscarriage 18 months previous I was told that I wasn’t ovulating and wouldn’t be able to conceive naturally.  This came as a shock and I was naturally very upset. I was reassured by the doctors that they would start me on some medication to boost ovulation and then take it from there. I couldn’t start the medication until a specific time in my cycle so I felt all I could do was wait for that and then get started. The wait seemed like forever and during that time I began to feel unwell, I couldn’t put my finger on it but decided to visit the doctor as it wouldn’t pass. I was feeling nauseas and tired/dizzy, the night before I was due to see the doctor I brought a cheap pregnancy test, because I felt that even in my situation the doctor would want to rule it out.

Imagine my surprise when it was positive.

There were no words to express the elation and surprise that day. After seeing the doctor and taking several more tests it was confirmed yes I was pregnant. I had an early scan at 7 weeks which helped put my mind at ease but I still felt anxious that something could go wrong. Fortunately my pregnancy progressed well bit it wasn’t without its hitches!

I suffered very bad sickness all the way through,all day everyday and at 15weeks I was in hospital scared because of a bleed( which was strain from the sickness) and dehydrated, fortunately the medication they gave me helped although the sickness was never far away if certainly eased. I had constant cravings for anything dairy and would drink pint after pint of milk, chocolate also featured highly and I recall coming home from work and crying because the bar I had left in the fridge had been eaten and even a replacement wasn’t the same! At 21weeks I fainted whilst doing the shopping in Tesco, I had never fainted before in my life and when I came round on the floor I wondered why everyone was looking at me! I had no idea of what had happened and as I was helped to a seat, I was embarrassed and concerned about the baby. Whilst waiting to be collected they checked me over and asked if I had hurt myself I mentioned my foot was a little sore but just wanted to get the baby checked. When it was time to go I realised I couldn’t weight bear on my right food and had to be practically carried to the car. An X-ray later confirmed that I had broken my foot, I wasn’t concerned at all I just wanted the scan they promised me. My foot was plastered and whilst doing that I almost fainted again. Finally I was given crutches and wheeled up for a scan. All was fine no problem at all with the baby and I was sent home. Home at the time was a second floor flat with two flights of stairs which I had to navigate with crutches and a bump, after a tricky start I managed just fine. Time was passing quickly and my foot had healed well, I was managing the sickness better and feeling reasonably okay. At 36 weeks I had a urine infection which gave me an irritable uterus, I was in hospital for a few nights and given steroids just in case. Luckily that settled and once home, I had another infection and it was decided that I would have a sweep on my due date. The day before my due date I went out for lunch with my sister and my nieces, I felt uncomfortable all day but put it down to tiredness. I went home and fell asleep, when I woke up I had what I assumed was a show, a quick phone call to my Mum confirmed that indeed it was. I had some period like pains and just pottered around keeping busy. After several baths and the pain getting worse I phoned the hospital and at 5am we went in. So far so good, I was advised to keep active so we had lots of walks up and down the hospital corridors. Upon examination the midwife said she could burst my waters as they were about to go, I agreed and then the pains really started! I wanted as natural a birth as possible and the midwife suggested a water birth, I hadn’t considered this but decided yes I would like to try it, on my way to the pool I was feeling concerned about being naked in front of everyone, by the time it was ready I didn’t care, I literally stripped off and if I could of I would of jumped in!

It was lovely, very soothing like a nice warm bath, music was playing, to me it seemed very loud, some kind of classical tune. I was adamant it needed to be turned off and once it was I felt calm again. I remained calm and had gas and air and breathing to get me through, I laboured with back pain and didn’t feel contractions in my front.

When I got to the point of saying I wanted to go home and could the midwife just help me get the baby out, obviously the arrival was imminent. After feeling that indescribable feeling of the head coming out, it was soon apparent the baby was coming and out she popped into the water a beautiful, healthy baby girl. As I lay in the water holding her I couldn’t believe she was here and ours. After a quick cuddle, they took her off to be weighed and it was time for the placenta delivery.  The midwife gave me an injection and helped me into a standing position, as soon as I stood the placenta came away and the midwifes words to me were’ well done you’re a natural’ my response to this was to pass out once again. As I came to on the bottom of the birthing pool, again I had no idea what had happened, I even thought it had all been a dream, and that I was yet to give birth!

As I saw my baby in her Daddy’s arms I was so happy and still wondering why there was a room full of people. Next for me was to be lifted out of the pool completely naked, I had to have a little giggle about that. I was on the bed and stitched up, high as a kite on gas and air, I kept asking what the time was, and were was the baby? We were taken round to the ward, I kept looking at my girl with an overwhelming feeling, I simply couldn’t believe she was mine. Once settled on the ward and in my arms she began to make some very strange noises, as the midwife was called, I noticed she was going purple around her lips.  She was whisked off to special care and put under a heat lamp, they dressed her in a tiny yellow cardigan and wooly hat as she had got cold in the process of my fainting.

Family arrived to see us all which was lovely. I was then sick as a dog but so relieved she was ok, after a few hours we were back on the ward again. And happy to be starting life as a family of three.

Here we go again….

23 months later we we were blessed with a baby boy. Leading up to his arrival couldn’t of been any different. I fell pregnant quickly and just had a feeling so brought a pregnancy test and it was positive. I had little sickness and what I did have passed quickly. We were still living in the flat so the stairs where quite exhausting being pregnant and having a 14 month old to get up and down them too. Fortunately I kept in good health, I worried about fainting again so always kept an emergency mars bar in my bag,I can’t tell you how many of those I  brought as I would eat them and need to replace them almost daily! This time I was 5 days late and was concerned that I would have to be induced. The weather was extremely hot and he showed no signs of making an appearance. One very hot day as we walked along the seafront I felt that overwhelming tiredness and the feeling that my trousers were being tightened all the time. I came home and got in the bath, which made me feel better after having tea with my girl and putting her to bed, I sat down with my feet up. The uncomfortable feeling started to turn to strong period pain type pains and I wondered if this could be the start. As with my previous pregnancy I had craved dairy,dairy and more dairy. So I as I sat in my favourite arm chair I decided I simply had to have a can of cherry coke, a kit Kat chunky (peanut butter flavour) and a dairlylea dunker(which I cannot stand now!). I also refused to even think about going into hospital until I had these things. I was that determined that I nearly went to the shop myself! I was going to have another bath and whilst deliberating running one I decided that maybe I should time my contractions and although they weren’t too painful they were becoming pretty regular. They were in fact approx 2.5mins apart so I phoned the hospital they wanted me to go in as it was my second. Reluctantly I agreed and as I waited for the grandparents to arrive to babysit I peeked in at my sleeping girl I felt very emotional knowing that she would wake up to a surprise in the morning. When we arrived at the hospital it was 10.30pm and as I waited for an examination from the midwife I still wasn’t convinced this was labour I hadn’t had a show and was coping with the pain. She confirmed that I was 5-6cms dilated. I had decided from the start that I definitely wanted a water birth. The pool was busy and she didn’t know if I would have time but luckily for me he hung on. I got into the water and was struck by how quick and painful the contractions were. We had a male student doctor come in and I had a fit of giggles, too much gas and air again. Three hours and 45 mins after arriving at the hospital our lovely baby boy made his entrance into the world. It was a tense beginning as he had the cord around his neck, and I was urged to get him out as quick as possible. As he was whisked off to be checked, silence filled the air and time seemed to stop, the student doctor reassured me he was fine but until he was in my arms I couldn’t be sure. As soon I set eyes on him I couldn’t believe how much he looked like his big sister. Again I couldn’t believe he was mine, how lucky to have two healthy babies. He was born at 2.15am and at 5.30am we were given the option to go home, they didn’t have any beds available at the time and as we were both well it was up to us.  I jumped at the chance and off we went. As we rang the doorbell at 6am my Mother in Law thought it had been a false alarm and that we had been sent home, my parents couldn’t believe it when I phoned them too. We sat in the kitchen having a coffee, my girl still sleeping, blissfully unaware of her baby brothers arrival. We woke her up after a while and she was totally calm about it all and took to being a big sister straight away, a role she continues now. A lot has changed in those 13years and although I am now a single Mum I know I am truly blessed to have my two beautiful, healthy babies in my life. They are growing up to be amazing little people whom I am proud of every single day.

Helena and Adam this ones for you.❤️x

http://crazylittlethingcalledlove449.wordpress.com https://m.facebook.com/heartskipsabeat21/

Thank you so much for sharing Natalie, If you would like to feature on my blog, then please get in touch.

Thanks for reading,

Becca xx

Our Bedtime routine.

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Everyone has their own routine even if they don’t know it. We have a perfect bedtime routine at the moment which is letting Rosie sleep form 7pm-7am and Miyah is so much more relaxed in the evening. Miyah doesn’t have a set bedtime or anything yet as she is still so small but now she is getting into our routine she is so much more chilled and she seems happier where as before she would be very grumpy in the evening time. So i will be sharing with you, what we do and how we do it.

We start our bedtime routine at around 5:30pm when dinner is ready. We have dinner as a family and the watch simpsons. We would chill out while watching then go upstairs and get ready for a bath. Usually I bath Miyah and Rosie together with the help of Michael, we then get them out and ready for bed. I give Miyah a feed and settle her into her cot and then we *usually* read Rosie a book and then say out good nights. I say usually because sometimes we may miss a night.

The girls currently are both usually asleep by 8:00pm and miyah sleeps till 4/5am for a feed then around 6/8am she will wake again. Rosie will sleep till around 6 to 7am and we will start our day. Rosie has been a very poorly baby for the past 3 years and she recently has had her last hospital trip. This resulted in 5 days and better results. Since then we have had a full night sleeps instead of her waking up to 10 times a night due to her coughing. She is a changed baby! Well toddler 😏.

Me and Michael will then relax for a couple hours! His friend Kieran usually comes round and we play the PlayStation for a bit then depending on the day and what shift I have I will go to bed while they carry on playing downstairs.

This is our bedtime routine, as requested by my followers on twitter 😍

Thank you for reading x

Becca x

My top 5 tips to help with anxiety. 

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I suffer extremely from bad anxiety. Some days I can have up to 5 panic attacks a day and i have kind of come up with some tips to help. Although i may not use them all the time. Having anxiety restricts a lot that i do. I panic in big crowds, places i dont know, talking on the phone and a lot more. Some times i get them out of no where and i don’t know what has caused them. It can get really tough and i can struggle. I have had it for as long as i can remember and the tips i have may help some but not may not help others.

  • 10 deep breathes in, with a slow release out. I feel that the can help me slow my breathing right down, this will help me from feeling clammy, hot and feeling like i will pass out. I will focus on one point in the room and keep looking until i feel calmer.
  • Leaving the situation and repeating number one .and if that doesn’t work i will leave the situation i can’t handle i will try and leave, then try number one again. Usually this works for me.
  • Calling a loved one. If i am not with Michael or a close loved one i will ring them, the people who are close will usually try and help me calm down. This, 9/10 will help majorly too. Always having a loved one to call is brilliant.
  • Trying to get a good night sleeps. If i have a panic attack I always try to get a good nights sleep, if I don’t- I always find that I feel awful the next day and I panic more.
  • Think of one positive thing a day! I’ve said this before and I will always say this. Think of atleast one positive thing a day. This has calmed my anxiety down quite a lot and I can always notice when I haven’t.

My anxiety has hit the highest points since having kids and I have had to try my hardest to keep it under control since having them but it is all extremely hard. I am also on sertaline which is an antidepressant. These help me but not as much as I would have hoped for but it’s only safe for breastfeeding. My journey has been long and I’ve had always my friends and family around, which I’m so grateful for. Without them I wouldn’t be here today.

Thank you for reading,

Becca x

Birth and Labour series, Beckys Story!

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This week on my Birth and Labour series is Becky from Bringing up the Berneys. She shares with us her amazing story.

Before I fell pregnant, I’d already skipped this stage and become a step-mum to my daughter Lily who was 3 and a half at the time. I’d attempted to go to university in 2014, I say attempted because I lasted all of 2 months before I packed up and moved in with Martin and Lily for good. With the love for being a step-mum to Lily, Martin and I decided we wanted to add another into the mix, and I fell pregnant in April 2015.

It was really surreal to be honest, I’d never imagined myself as becoming a mum at 21, but here we were! My pregnancy itself went without a hitch, although I did break my foot in the 2nd trimester (more embarrassingly so I did it walking out of the school gates – 2nd week in of Reception too!) We went to the scans and found out we were having a little boy, who was due to arrive on 17th January 2016. I was a little apprehensive as I worried if he was too early we’d be celebrating Christmas in hospital, and so I willed him not to make an early entrance into the world.

Well, he listened. He listened a bit too well. As early January approached I was getting hopeful that I might start to feel something – anything. Braxton hicks, or the “dropping” of the bump, but early January came and went, and we were days away from D-Day. Now I’d had my bags packed from about 20 weeks as I was being constantly nagged by my mum to get them ready “just in case!” As she works on the maternity ward at the local hospital, I know she’s seen it all, so I quickly took heed to her advice and had everything ready to go. Needless to say though it got unpacked and repacked more times in between! Looking back it almost seemed totally pointless to be so organised! The 17th came, and went. Nothing. No niggles, wiggles or any hint that Baby Berney might be making an entrance on his due date.

Days passed, and I was still waiting. You hear about other parents whose babies were early or late, but in your mind you just think, “it won’t happen to me, my baby will be right on time!” How naïve of me. At 40wks & 3 days I was given ‘the sweep,’ which I was told would only really have a 40% chance of actually working. If I was given the choice again I wouldn’t opt for it, it was uncomfortable and a bit (rather) painful, and it made me bleed slightly (which is normal, but not nice!) I walked about town with a painful waddle, bleakly optimistic that it might’ve worked as it seemed to have agitated Baby a bit. But unfortunately I fell into the 60% and I was still pregnant. I was then told if nothing were to happen in the next few days I’d have to be induced.

With no signs of baby coming himself, I called up the delivery suite on Friday 29th to be booked in for induction. 12 days overdue, and one very frustrated mum-to-be, I called up at 7.30am like I was told to with a spring in my step and a beaming smile, because today I was going to have a baby! “Sorry, we’re really busy at the moment, can you call back at lunch time and we’ll see if things quieten down.” are. you. kidding. me. My excitement went down like a lead balloon. All I could think about was getting this baby out of me! The morning dragged by slowly, until eventually I got to call back and ask again to go in. “We’re still really busy…How late are you?” After explaining I was 12 days over and very uncomfortable they agreed for me to go in at 6pm that night; finally. It was going to happen, I was going to have a baby!

Not just yet. Martin and I had childcare arranged for Lily, and we went to my mums for dinner. Around 5.30pm I got my very first niggle of discomfort, and I thought that I was going to go into labour naturally (typical!) but it was a one-off niggle and nothing came of it. Off we trundled to the hospital at 6pm, where I was then told nothing would be happening with me until after the shift change-over (which made sense, but it was 2 hours of unnecessary waiting around.) So we waited. I was left in a 4 bed room, with just me in luckily! To pass the time, Martin and I played a game of who could name the most car makers in the world (I know, we’re too cool.) At 8pm I got hooked up to a baby monitor which monitored baby’s heart and my contractions, which I should have only been on for 30 minutes…2 hours later and I was still waiting to be taken off it – and in which time I’d been to the toilet 3 times and had to take all the flipping wires with me!

AT LAST. At 10pm the midwife came in and set off my induction, with an extremely uncomfortable tablet up my hoo-haa. I was told to wait 6 hours for the first attempt to work, and if it didn’t then I’d have another one, and if that didn’t work it’d be induction via the drip. At first it seemed like it hadn’t worked, but I was soon eating my words. I disappeared for a bath which I didn’t find soothing or helpful, partly because I kept worrying that someone might walk in on me! So that was short lived. I waddled back to the room, and the contractions started to take over. I couldn’t handle just laying on the bed, so Martin took that and I sat starkers on a birthing ball, bouncing up and down. Around 1am I asked for some paracetamol from a nurse, who I didn’t realise at the time wasn’t allowed to administer drugs, and so I was left without any pain relief. I went to the front desk and asked again about an hour later and still nothing. Eventually my midwife came back in and I was given paracetamol (hurrah! it didn’t do much!) but I was grateful for anything by this point.

If there’s one thing they tell you when you’re having a baby, it’ll be “control your breathing” – which is the best advice you can get, but at the time coming from your partner doesn’t seem like it! Another Midwife came in to see what was going on just at the same time I’d lost control of my breathing. I couldn’t catch my breath and I felt like I was suffocating throughout the whole contraction, it just felt endless! Eventually the contraction ended and I managed to regain control, and after that I made sure I didn’t let that happen again.

The hours passed, and at 4am my midwife came in to check on me at the 6 hour mark where lo and behold, I was 7cm dilated! The baby was finally coming! I was moved from the 4 bed room to a delivery room. Martin rang my mum to tell her what was going on, and she made her way to the hospital (she was to be on shift that morning at 7am!) Now it usually goes that you dilate 1cm an hour, so in theory I should have had another 3 hours to go, but baby had different ideas. I got up onto the bed and that was it, I was ready to push. I was given Gas & Air, but I couldn’t get the hang of it and it wasn’t easing the pain, so I chucked it on the floor much to my midwifes amusement.

At 4.35am on 30th January 2016, William Christopher Scott Berney was born weighing 9lb 5oz.

It was over, and with only 2 stitches, I’d done it. And my mum missed it…In the half an hour it took from calling my mum to William arriving, my mum had got to work, popped her lunch in the fridge, nipped to the loo and had a quick natter with a colleague! After all, she thought I would still only be about 8cm!

One thing I won’t forget is having to pass the placenta. That felt so weird to have to push that out too. No one really tells you about this part. I remember my midwife almost tugging it out, and asking if I wanted to see it/keep it. NOPE THANKS. No one also really prepares you for the totally bizarre feeling of your tummy no longer being a firm hard ball shape. It becomes wobbly and jelly-like, and I wasn’t prepared for that at all and I was completely weirded out by this! Of course, what was making it hard and firm was now on the outside of you. And for some, they like to have their babies placed straight onto them but not me, I wanted him to be cleaned up first!

And there we are. A new family of 4.

 

Becky x

 

Mental health and being a parent. *Trigger warning*

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Okay so this blog post is a bit personal. But I really want to let it out.

As I have grown in motherhood I have almost had a sudden realisation that my mental heath was bad and how much coverage we didn’t have. So I’m here to tell you today, about my story, though it may be a hard one; I’m 100% proud to say I’m in recovery. It is a slow and steady process but I’m so much better than I was before.

The start. So me and my mental health team realised that my depression and anxiety started when I was roughly 8 when my parents split. I didn’t take it very well. Although I wasn’t sure of it I used to crave being hurt and feeling sad. It was like a drug. I used to scratch myself and pull my hair, it was awful. As I grew my problems got worse and people started to notice them. I would be drawn back. I didn’t get the help I needed till I was 14 just after I had Rosie-Belle.

14 and depressed. I was so sad, my life never seemed to bring anything to give me happiness everyday. As mean as it sounds I had my newborn but I, in my head was not happy. I got PnD and I started to see CAHMS. I confided in a school health worker with how I was feeling and how it effected me. The earlier I can remember at that age was seeing things. Things that would mess with my head and stalk me 24/7. This thing was nasty and I hated it. But it was always there… in the corner of the room, in the back of my mind. I can’t remember the first time I had a panic attack although the amount I have had is shocking. I used to get them up to 10 times a day and that is scary. When I started seeing cahms they didn’t really do much. I stopped seeing them and a year later I started again. By this point I was at an awful point. I was self harming worse and starving myself. About 8-10 months later I had a breakdown, I was in such a dark place and I told my support worker I wanted to overdose and if I was to go home that day I would. So that day I went into Wessex House. A place where I would get the support I need. I was there a week when I was aloud a weekend leave. On my weekend leave I tried to overdose and I was back in again. This place was not good for me. With temptation everywhere I was determained to get out.

Being discharged: I was discharged and my life seemed to look up, I was on the right mess and I was having panick attacks less. My mess where changed 3 times before I found something that worked I am currently on 100mg of sertriline. I have had many wobbles and downfalls since then. I was almost back at my darkest level again. After a very long journey I was diagnosed with: severe depression, PnD, social anxiety, severe anxiety and bulimia. (My bulimia is something I’m not quite ready to talk about yet)

I’m so thankful to have the support I have now, my family, Michael & his family, my friends and my online friends. They are and will always be the best. My rocks. Although things may happen and we may not all see eye to eye; I physically wouldn’t be here everyday.

Guilt: I can never seem to get over the ever growing guilt of feeling this way. Especially when I have such gorgeous babies to keep me going. I just couldn’t help it. I can ever say sorry to Rosie-Belle enough for failing her and thinking my life was not worth living because it is. This time 3 years ago I never thought I’d say that. I am proud of myself, i may not be all the time but i am. I never thought i would get this far.

I’m so happy to say that I’m so much better, My good days weigh out my bad days by far and I don’t have anxiety attacks every day anymore. I’m so so proud to say that I’m PROUD to my bones that I am here today being the best I am and looking after my babies. My life is worth living.

Positivity: it hurts my heart so much to know as me and it makes my heart sink to know I can’t help everyone, but I want to say: I promise it gets better, I promise the pain will not be there as much as there is now. This is only temporary and i know these are only words but i have been there, i have got the t shirt and the awful memories. If you EVER need anyone to talk too, i am always here. I know i say that so much but i mean it 100%.

My Mental Health has always got me down. I have my bad days and when i have bad days they turn into bad weeks to months. It hurts so much that i don’t feel good enough for my family and i feel that it can take just one thing to hurt myself again and i don’t want to walk down that road again. It is a very long, very dark and very scary road and i have no idea where i will come out at the end. I use these thoughts as a way of trying to stay positive. I stay positive for my family, they need me and sometimes i don’t understand why but i do it, for them.

Helplines!

Samaritans

These links will help you if you feel you can’t talk to your loved ones and you need someone to talk too.

Much much love.

Thank you for reading x

Becca xx

Guest Post! Birth and Labour Stories.

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Today we have Atty’s story! She shares with us her birth and labour story and giving us some gorgeous photos! Please enjoy.

I was one of the lucky few who, once we decided we would ‘try’ to have a baby, we fell pregnant on our first attempt. That wasn’t really the plan! We thought we would be trying for a few months before we were successful, I definitely didn’t envisage being 22 weeks pregnant on my wedding day!

The actual pregnancy was a dream, other than anxiety and hip pain it was a (mostly) enjoyable experience and one I hope to do again some day. The actual labour though was a different story!

When I was 12 days overdue I was in the hospital to be induced. Something I never wanted as I’d heard that an induced labour is ‘worse’ than a natural labour. But here we were anyway. My appointment was at 2 o’clock so we went onto the ward and waited…and waited…and waited. At 5 o’clock a midwife came to me and my husband and said ‘I’m really sorry you’d been written down as already had your baby’ err nope I don’t think so! I can still feel him wriggling around in there and it’s time to meet him!

A couple of hours later finally the pessary is in and Mr K and I are doing the obligatory walk around the hospital to try and ‘get things going’. 10 o’clock came and it was the end of visiting hours. Nothing was happening. Will went home and was on standby to be called when I finally went into labour. Then the contractions started, oh did they start! The baby was still ‘back to back’ and the pain was all in my spine- agony. Obviously I’ve never had a ‘normal’ labour before but wow did this hurt. At 2 o’clock in the morning after the pessary had fallen out once and was reinserted, I’d been checked and was only 2cm dilated. The contractions were getting very strong and finally at 5:30am the midwife gave me permission to ring Mr K. and Mum and tell them to make their way to me. I got moved to the labour suite so I really thought things wouldn’t be long from there…how wrong was I! 18952636_10158808711665174_9153090224163362407_n.jpg

 My family turned up and I have never been gladder to see them. Mr. K was there to put his fingers in my back as that seemed to be the only thing that slightly relieved the pain. My Mum rubbed my feet continually like she did when I was a baby.

The midwife suggested I went into the pool to try and relieve some pain; I was so shocked and grateful when she said this as I was under the impression that my BMI was too high to go into the pool (probably all those packets of Maltesers and Minstrels when pregnant!) so I hadn’t packed a swimsuit. I flopped into the pool in my bra and nothing else and the relief was amazing. I managed to get some sleep in between contractions with Mr K holding me up so I didn’t slip under! The contractions were about a minute apart by this point and it was time to get out. The rest of the night is a massive blur. I know I had oramorph at some point, I know I was sick a lot, I know I was dehydrated and needed an IV drip, and I know that I spent a hell of a lot of time screaming. In what order? I don’t know. Neither does Mr. K. It was very traumatic for us all. I’d always sworn that I would never have an epidural due to my fear of needles (especially huge ones going into my spine)! However, when they checked me 6 hours later and I was STILL 3cm dilated the midwife strongly advised that I got an epidural. A lot of crying and calling myself a failure later I finally agreed. The anaesthetist was brilliant and was very reassuring. My Mum had to leave the room as she didn’t want to see but my amazing husband stayed by my side and held my hand when they were doing the epidural.

After the epidural was in the relief was amazing. No more pain. I had a good 2-hour nap and when they checked me again I was 10cm dilated! YES! TIME TO PUSH! But first to get my legs in stirrups…oh that might be hard considering I can’t feel them! Cue 3 people lifting each leg (I did say I had a high BMI) they were finally in stirrups! Problem was, now I couldn’t feel the contractions I was relying on the midwife to feel them for me. However they were all in my back, my stomach wasn’t contracting much at all and I’m pretty sure she started guessing when my contractions were as she didn’t seem very sure. There was a clip in the baby’s head to monitor his heart rate as it had been a bit erratic during the night but here we were, we were pushing!

‘PUSH! You’re doing so well!’- I genuinely thought I was getting this kid out of me!

 It wasn’t until the consultant said we would have to go down to

 surgery that I realized I wasn’t doing as well as initially thought. The baby was in distress and his heart rate was dropping. The plan was to go down to surgery so that the consultant could try and twist the baby into the right position while I pushed. Once we were down there after 2 pushes they said it wasn’t working and I needed an emergency C-section. By this point I was so tired and numb that I just agreed and didn’t really consider what was going on. Even on the operating table I was laughing and joking with the people in the room. Asking them to put the radio on. I hadn’t considered that the situation was serious.

 

Within about 5 minutes of being open the baby was out! After a quick glimpse at him he was whisked away and given to Mr. K. to hold. At this point I thought I was going to faint as I my blood pressure was dropping. Mr. K. was asked to leave the room with the baby while I was sorted and ‘closed up’. After 40 minutes I was finally out and with my family and it was beautiful.

This is the first family photo we had taken of the three of us. Excuse the slight nipple exposure and my VERY rough appearance.

A x

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Thank you for reading,

Becca x

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