To the boys who laughed, to the boys who made comments, to the boys who made me feel small.
I was only 14, I only wanted what’s best for my newborn; I only wanted to do what right. But you laughed. You made comments and you made me feel so small. I was sat in the corner of subway trying to juggle my screaming baby, trying to discreetly get my breast out to feed and calm her and you stared. With your nasty looking eyes throwing me awful looks for what I thought at the time was the best. I just wanted to relax. I had been shopping all morning for the cutest little outfits for my baby and to finally get out the house after so long of being stuck in. I just wanted some food and so did my baby but you stood there laughing in your group pointing at me and saying how disgusting it was. How can something so natural be so… disgusting?
I finally calmed my baby and you where still in the long line that never seemed to move. Still every so often turning your heads and quickly turning them back when I notice, laughing and giggling like little kids. What you didn’t notice was my mother stood behind you. Listening. I could see the steam coming from her ears. I tried so hard to get her to look at me so she wouldn’t make a scene but she didn’t, she spoke up and told you all how she felt. You ‘hung’ your heads in shame to convince my mum you where ‘sorry’ but you weren’t. As you got your food and left you stood by the glass and stared more! Making me feel uncomfortable. You finally left and I managed to grab a bite to eat. How is it so different? You’re stood out in public, on the streets eating your food but it’s wrong when my baby does!
I thought about it for days and days, trying so hard to not let it get to me. But I’m not going to lie anymore it did. I felt so awful; I didn’t stop for that reason though. I would never stop trying to give my baby what she needed. I’m not going to justify why I even stopped because you don’t need to know. You just need to know how you made me feel. But I’m older now, I’m more wiser and I know that those stares need to just go over my head.
I’m never one for such negativity but I have always had this memory and it’s always stuck with me. It feels nice to finally let it out even though those ‘boys’ will probably never see this.
Thank you for reading!
This blog is part of the 7 day blogging challenge. Find my first blog post here to see details!